It's just a horrid day, & many more will follow. I tried to sleep. 2 hours. Wasted my noon meds, trying to empty my mind. So now what. I just sit here. Me & my dogs, who once again, give me the will to hang in there. That & a few friends that mean the world to me. I'm tired already of having to live inside my own mind. I feel imprisoned. Like I can't participate in life, be it mine or anyone elses. People in a chat room have done their best to destroy my spirit, but they can't, don't they understand that? Where one of us is weak, others pick us back up. We cannot fall. Which is sometimes a curse, because sometimes you just wanna fall, ya know? But no. This is not a choice a multiple can make. There are too many holding us together, as they have for years, so letting go just is a non issue. We simply can't, no matter how bad we want to, one of the alters will say, "But who will love your friends?" Who will take care of Hoss?"etc, etc, it just never ends. So, I just have to resign myself to being just here, not dead, yet not alive. I have a hope for the future, & I have a handful of friends, & it is that that I hang onto at times like this. Something was done today, that really hurt. I sent out a small mailing, letting a few people know that I won't be spending much time on aol as usual. Oh, I should tell you now that I won't be blogging as early, either, I have no real reason to get up early, & I'm not certain what they'll be about anyway. I feel as if I'm just floating around in my mind, like I have no landing strip. And so I glide through my mind, for who knows how long. Blessed Be, QuellyQ