Well, I finally got my long needed MRI, & finally got a pain doc, who first put me on morpheine, but it just kept me asleep, so he switched it to methadone, which seems to be helping some. Anyway, the tech said my spine "was a twisted mess", plus there is damage to some discs. Looks like surgery is next, wooohooo. It's hard sometimes, for me to want to live anymore, having always been so active & once had such a full life, but I'll stay till the good Lord picks me to come home, just hope it doesn't take too long. Jeez, I sound depressed, don't I. Guess I am. This too shall pass. I'm just tired folks, that's all, just tired. Funny part is, I was born into drug addiction & alcoholism, ended up being a speed freak for years, then fought for years to stay clean, only to spend my last days on "meds", so it would seem I've completed the circle of life. Can't say I haven't done & seen many things in my life it's been full, but I really haven't been the same since my brother died, to be honest, which I think was 2001 (I try not to remember dates, too depressing). Kelley just wants to go home, my friends, plain & simple. Lots of friends & relatives there waiting on me, so I have no fear, thankfully, I know what awaits me, & one day I'll be there. Ugg, hate to blog a depressing blog, but I guess I just needed to talk to someone (whoever listens) & get it off my mind. Marriage is still a mess,the true joy I get out of my every day now is my Hoss, the English mastiff.I swear to you, this dog has saved me by just loving me for the time I've had him & he's still doing his job, helping me get out of my chair,helping me get up when I fall etc. He's always gonna be my honey boy,my little big man. He's 18 months old now, & about 130 or so now. Officially 1/2 a dog, cuz they don't reach matuity until they're a full 3 years old. He's gonna be a big boy. Well, I hope all of you are doing well. I love you all. Blessed be, QuellyQ