It's time for me to write to everyone about an average day in the life of someone with Multiple Personality Disorder.  We are all around you, but you do not see us, because we adapt to our surroundings. We are the round stick trying to fit through the square hole in life. We will never fit. Inside, we feel dirty, used, worthless, these feelings having been given to us by our abusers, who were the same people who should have been comforting us but hurt us instead. We never tell on them. We accept that we are dirt.

Parts of us, our alters, all have different functions. I have a driver alter, because I panic when I walk out my door. I'm able to go out, but it takes a few alters to help me do it. I'm not afraid to speak to many many people, & have done several speaking engagements,but not about MPD, about drug abuse, which is a place many of us get lost. We've been lost all of our lives. People we loved put things inside our vagina's & anally, to stretch us out, when we were 3 year old babys, so we are so used to abuse, we come to think in time, it's normal. But we always know we aren't normal at all. When we find another multiple, it's a blessing, because we are so alone inside. I can't tell you how much it means to me to be able to put this out there for everyone to see, because I am not ashamed, but proud of myself. I survived. We all survive. That's what we do best. For instance, I worked all my life, & was the best at everything I did. My IQ is very high,as is normal for most MPD's. When you consider how we've had to deal with such horrors in our lives, you know we have to be strong, in order to survive. And we do survive. My friend calls it MPO, or multiple personality order, because if we hadn't split, we would not have survived the abuse. Many have asked me why every abuse case doesn't turn multiple. I can't say for sure, but perhaps it depends on the severity of the molestation. Mine & my friends was ritualistic abuse, by family members & whoever they shared us with. In my shame, I can remember thinking, I just wanted my step dad to love me. Poor child, thinking it was what she needed to do for his love. I've forgiven my abusers, because I just can't live with hate, it will eat you alive.

We can adapt to any situation, by using other alters, if necessary, but we always succeed at what we do. We push ourselves hard to just stay sane most of the time. But we are no dummys, just suvivors of a horrid crime against children. I would bet the prison system has many mpds because they didn't know they had the illness, & a mean alter took over, causing them to commit crimes. They need help, not more torture, but who cares? I do, for one. Should anything come of my writings, & I so pray it does, I will do whatever I can to help these & other people who need help, some who don't even know it, but I can dig out the real multiples, so someone can pretend to be MPD, but I know if they are or not. You cannot fake this illness. I suppose you can try, but you can't get by me. I'm proud of myself, & how far I've come, no matter how big the obstacles of life are. I'm still here. I will continue to write, praying this becomes public. That maybe I can buy new clothes some day, not at a thrift store. Not that I can't handle it, I have for 54 years so far. Blessed be, all of you, QuellyQ

PS: should you want to know all about my life, please go to this site & read from bottom to top, then start at the bottom of this, & you'll know how horrid my life has been, for years. The first site you need to visit,is this:

Hell iz 4 Children
This tells my story from birth to age 13, then the rest is told here, starting at the bottom. I hope you read from that link, cuz I'd love that to be the name of anything that may come of this. Much love to those who truly care, & are paying attention....QuellyQ